There’s this weird phenomena in motherhood, where everyone is going through the same shit but no one talks about it…

When life has #nofilter

Something happened the other day that made me laugh (and die inside). My husband was home (#FIFOlife) and we had a lovely new tenant come over to sign the papers for leasing our rental property.

The kids and I were home so it was a bit crazy – the usual, really.  The tenant being a single mum herself, didn’t bat an eyelid.  I mean, she probably just wanted to nip in and out, sign the goddamn papers and get on with her day.

Suddenly, the kids cleared off and weren’t making a sound (we all know what this usually means…trouble!) Kane went to check on them and they were lying on Billie’s bed, watching the iPad.  He came back out and said ‘it’s okay, they are just in there watching the iPad – they’re always watching the iPad’.

The lady signing the papers laughed it off (and probably didn’t give a shit because: sign goddamn papers, leave) and I felt mortified.  Seriously, over something as minor as that, I felt mortified.

I was all in my head thinking that I needed to defend myself, my parenting.

If only you could have heard my thoughts out loud: ‘(nervous laughter) hahaha… no, no our kids don’t watch the iPad, ever… We have everything under control all the time, we don’t need screen time. It’s fine.  Everything is FINE here all the time. They also eat so many veggies and always play together so well. I love having multiple children. Everything’s GREAT’

It was like a knee-jerk reaction going on in my brain.  I wanted to instantly pretend everything was all good and I am really the perfect mum every waking minute of the live-long day.

This was not an isolated incident.  When said tenant had left I accosted my husband ‘Why did you say that about the kids watching iPad?’ and his response: “Well, it’s true!

I loved my hubby for being so honest as much as I hated it too.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I loved my hubby for being so honest as much as I hated it too.

What you see in others, exists in you.

The whole incident caused some serious introspection. Why was I so fearful of judgement? Especially from a stranger.  That saying popped into my mind “What you see in others exists in you.”

I’m fearful of judgement because I too, can be judgmental of others.  I was looking my own insecurities and fears straight in the eye (and hoping they would give me a smile and a wink).

It’s in my nature to be a people-pleaser, I’ve always sought external validation (something I’m actively working on through my psychologist) so I know this is part of it.  Yet I also know though, that other mums feel the same.  Whether it’s what your child is eating, doing, saying or not saying.  The amount of mums I’ve met who truly DGAF about external opinion, is few and far between.

You on candid camera, now! 

I love when people are honest.  It’s something that I try to practice more and more in my everyday life.  Interestingly, it’s probably the most consistent feedback I receive in relation to my social media posts (and simply, conversations at times) “I love your honesty”.

It makes me wonder why is it less common for honest and real conversation, than the alternative these days?  People call honesty ‘refreshing’.  I guess I enjoy being permanently fresh (not such a bad thing eh?)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Maybe it’s worth thinking about.. the whole notion that what you get in life is a reflection of yourself.  Honesty, I believe, is an opportunity to remove judgement and connect with people heart to heart, at the most human of levels.  After all, as mums, we are all just doing our best.

It will come as no surprise that I vote YES to more honesty. YES to more candid conversations about being a woman and mother.

If you feel me on this one and you’re a Perth mama, I’m organising a very informal brunch where likeminded women can get together, share more raw and real stories and connect over a tasty meal.  More information can be found here